Monday, June 20, 2005 :: ::ROADTRIP:: I took my vacation week Jun 11-19 and headed off to LA and Vegas with my friends Ivy and Lewelyn (and Lewelyn's BF Damir). Lynn and Damir had little fights the whole trip. I never really experienced my parents fighting (although I'm sure they had their moments-- I never was prevy to it.), so this was pretty new territory for me. Note to self: Never marry a guy that targets you for his release of aggretion. Damir is a good guy, but he is a total child. I know I should respect my elders (he's older than me) but I found it hard at times. But I don't want to waste any more time on this detail. The trip overall was great. We drove to L.A. and stayed with Lynn's relatives for two nights. Drove around Hollywood then we hit Universal Studios and took in the shows. the 3rd night we stayed at the beautiful Westin Hotel in LA. Their beds are called Heavenly beds--- and they deserve that name. The room was very nice and the gym rocked. I sang my heart out in the shower and got all the negativity off of me from Lynn and Damir-- then we went out and ate Japanese food and took pictures in the outside area near the hotel pool. We headed off to Vegas the next morning and spent two night there. We stayed at Lynn's parents Vegas home 30 mins from the strip. It was a beautiful home and there was a pool inside the gated community it was in. We swam laps in the pool and I insisted we high five each other as we passed by in opposite directions. Sure it was silly, but so much fun. It takes skill to give a good high five while swimming laps. The 2nd to last day in Vegas Lynn's Mom treated us to a buffet lunch. As most know the Vegas Buffet is the true place a soujourner wins. (and you don't need to be lucky either!) Sufficed to say it was great. We played some slots, I lost some money, won some money--- but it was all good I had about 4 or 5 free drinks. By the time all that had worked it's way into my system I was filling really perky. Ivy and I ran through vegas half giddy half drunk. It was a happy place. On the car ride back to Lynn's home we spoke only fragmented Japanese mixed with some spanish to each other. Good Times Good Times. Later that night we left Damir watching DVDs I had brought and headed out to the club scene. We went to the Rio which had a younger crowd then what we had seen in Vegas on our trip. We went to the Chip 'n' Dale's Lounge. Which is just mingling with the dancers and taking photos. Kind of like taking pictures with Mickey Mouse, except the cute guys hold you close and give you a gentle warm squeeze before they let go. (I was too shy to take any pictures with them-- but I asked them to take pictures with Ivy, since she was shy too, and manned the camara.) We hit the Bikini Club at the Rio after that and had lots of fun dancing. The music was really good and there was a guy and girl that took turns pulling people out of the crowd giving them a lap dance/shot then hitting them with a towel in the behind. It was pretty hot. Ivy met some guys she liked that wanted to party a little longer--- but we headed home at around 2am and slept. I was sleeping in the bed next to Ivy and she got text messages and calls 2 or 3 times through the night from the guys. Ivy and I ended up having breakfast with William in the morning. I went along for support mainly-- plus I wanted to check him out for myself. He was part Tai part Okinawin and he had a lot of magnetism to his personality. (oh yeah, he had nice eyes, body, face etc.-- most important of all though you could just tell he was a good person.) He seemed to really like Ivy, but Ivy was a bit apprehensive because she only briefly danced with him at the club and didn't know too much about him. Right before we parted ways with William he told Ivy about his two tattos on his legs. One was fire the other Ice-- he said that his opponents either get hit with one or another-- like pick your poisen so to speak. It was cute-- I know tattos are supposed to be manly for guys--- but I couldn't help but think how pretty cute and funny it was. Overall I had a lot of fun and I would do it all again in a heartbeat--- even with Lynn and Damir's bickering. You take the good with the bad. The good outweighed the bad a hundred fold. Mona reflected @ 10:16 p.m. while listening to: If I was a Rich Girl REMIX by Gwen Stefani

Mon06202005 :: ::Sigh:: I haven't written in while. I regret not writing because there have been so many things going on in my life recently. My grandmother passed away. My heart was broken by that and I seemed to be trapped in grief for a while. No one I love has ever died before that day. I lost focus, had minor memory lapses, and didn't know what was appropriate to feel and act. I knew before my brother did. My mother didn't want to tell him when he was starting his day. I felt like I had to be extra cheerful to throw him off. Instead of feeling akward I felt relieved. It was theraputic living a lie for the benefit of someone else. I loved my grandmother very much, but I didn't see her very much because she lived in Iran. Do I wish I had seen her more?--In a sense yes, of course. But I don't have any regrets, I knew she loved me and I know she knew I loved her. Somehow my heart is still beating so I know it can't be really broken. Mona reflected @ 09:51 p.m. while listening to: Angel City by Helicopter Girl

Sun01092005 :: :Free Time is Great::: My schedule has been very erratic recently. I don't know if I'm coming or going at times. I have had some down time though. 3pm to midnight this day has been alllll mine though. It's easy to take personal time for granted until you are left with close to none. The rain was relentless and didn't make the outdoors very inticing to say the least. I spent a good part of my time curled on the leather sofa next to the fireplace nook in my house with my brother. We watched the fire and added ringtones to our phones off of the computer. I added the Bewitched theme-- it's really cute! (semi-random: They are making a Bewitched movie-- with Nicole Kidman ^.^) I set the Charlie's Angels theme for the girls from work and the Mission Impossible theme for when my brother calls. hehe ringtones are fun ^.^ I wouldn't spend 2 bucks each for those 'designer' ones though. Only because I'd be guilty about blowing money when I could donate it to a place like organizations for the tsunami victims. I also spent some time watching some anime--- Not a totally odd thing, but it's not something that's usual for me these days either. I'm really enjoying 'Yakitate Japan' right now. I must admit I turned my nose up at it when I heard the focus was bread. Yes, the story revolves around bread. ---and if you haven't heard of this show then it's very likely you'd be thinking.... 'bread? They made a show about bread?' because that's what I was thinking. Well, yes the show is centered on bread which may seem like a dull premise to say the least, but the show is actually quite good. Very suprising how watching people make different breads can be entertaining and I know that's a hard idea to swallow (no pun intended), but this just goes to show me anything can be made entertaining. I'd definitely recommend it. I happened to be randomly looking through my old anime club's website and I saw flyers from the last two years of their showings. I have to say that I've only seen maybe 3% of the stuff they have showed over the last few years. I used to go to conventions and never really watch anything much in the showing rooms because I had seen just about everything under the sun. Now I bet I'd be hard pressed to find anything I have seen. I was cleaning out my computers folders today and I rewatched the last eps. of HEX (the british 5 part series about Cassy a girl who has to deal more supernatural things than you can shake a magic stick at....randy fallen angels, friendly ghosts, bitter ancestors, and the worst-- guys with maturity and wits no where at her level... okay so the last thing isn't so supernatural ^.^;;)I really like Azazel the fallen angel. Everything he does it quite detestable, but there is just something about him that's irresistable. It's probably that he's charasmatic and the actor delivers his lines so well. This scene could have been real cheesy, but it was so well acted that it didn't come off that way at all. Cassy: Who was your last true love?..what happened? Azazel: It wasn't meant to be. Cassy: sorry... Azazel: It's all right, I've had therapy....There'll never be another man who waits 250 years for you..well, not one in such good condition. I hope when they continue the series next year they give that guy lots of airtime. Mona reflected @ 01:38 a.m. while listening to: Justin Timberlake: Cry Me a River

Sun12192004 :: Nostalgic Trip:: After close to two years I took a trip to Japan Center here in San Francisco. Now I go to SF most days out of the week, but it's like all the fun is sucked out of it by it being a usual thing. The trip was very nostalgic for me. It reminded me of days long ago when a new volume of my favorite manga could brighten my whole day. I took my good friend Lewelyn with me. She was never much of a japanese pop culture fan, but she humors me, so I didn't feel embarrassed going on about the plot twists of my manga on the way home. I picked up the Hanazakari no Kimitachi e Artbook and the final volume of the manga series. To my surprise the ending was different/extended & there were added scenes from what was originally published. I remember now why I loved that series so much. The characters are all so likable. There isn't a character that makes me groan when they appear on the page. I love Sano, Nakatsu and especially Mizuki. I can really see why the main characters fall for her even though it's noted regularly that she doesn't have much sex appeal and is posing as a boy afterall. Her spirit and insecurities are just refreshing. There's a new scene in the final chapter where Mizuki asks to sleeps in the same bed with Sano on her last night. It's quite a sweet scene that ends with Sano just holding her as they sleep. When I was a little girl before my teen years that was my fantasy. It's something that I remember vividly now, but that I hadn't thought about since I was little. It's kind of embarrassing writing it out. ^.^; I remember someday wanting to share my warmth with someone while I held their hand (my left hand crossed over curled in their right hand)and rested my head against their chest and could hear their heart beat smoothly. I thought that would be like a piece of heaven. The image was very pure and innocent, like that's all I expected to happen. I thought that would be what romantic/intimate love was. Being relaxed, content, & protected surrounded with warmth. I know now that it's a childish ideal. Warmth is not love. Although something so simple can be a part of love it does not having any true correlation to love. But the scene in the manga still warmed my heart with memories of that ideal. --and sometimes it's comforting to return to those days before ideals were replaced with cinicism. ~I realize I'm still very much an unjaded romantic at heart~ Mona reflected @ 05:05 p.m. while listening to: Damien Rice: The Blower's Daughter

Thur10162004 :: Tick Tock You know when the world seems to be going so fast.. everything is hectic and speeding by at an amazing pace. My life has felt like that to me. The thing is inside this frenzied state I've found a zen like calm. As if I've been going so fast that the force of inertia has somehow caught up with itself and I'm floating. Everything is changing, but nothing is changing at the same time. Everything around me is different--- but me, I'm the same. At least I don't feel different. Is that a good thing or a bad thing. I haven't yet decided. ~Does time have meaning if change isn't really felt~ Mona reflected @ 07:32 p.m. while listening to: Gwen Stefani: Cool

Sat10042003 :: ambiguous equivocal, obscure, recondite, abstruse, vague, cryptic, enigmatic... AMBIGUOUS. Many men say that women and women's thoughts are mysterious. Inept communicators blame their lack of tact in expressing themselves on the 'myth' that they believe all women to be complicated. I'm not disputing that women can be complicated-- they can be at times for the opposite sex as well as to other women and even to their very selves. I do think that guys are just as hard to figure out. but not because they are mysterious-- but rather they can be so ambiguous. Now why do I say ambiguous? They are ambiguous because the shy ones allude to, yet never actually say what they are feeling and the confident ones are completely frank about it, but at the same time they can put it into a context that can completely absolve them from ever having expressed anything. What am I talking about you ask? Let's put this theory out there and for arguments sake claim it to be true. I once knew this guy in my younger days who was quiet, not outgoing, but to those people he touched with his actions and words he was know as someone very kindhearted that you'd want on your side in life. This guy wasn't exactly what you'd call lucky in love. In fact he didn't have much luck with the ladies till he became older. It wasn't because he was terrible looking or gross. He was the absolute opposite; he was rather good looking and polite enough to be regarded as a decent non-weird guy. The problem was that he could never really prove to any girl that he liked her. Why he couldn't tell her was beyond my understanding, but I think it had something to do with his lack of expericence with rejection. If he had realized that like most all people alive that rejection was something that happened to you in one form or another sooner or later he probably would have had more courage to get his thoughts/feelings out to the people they were directed to/promted them. [this is because things are so subjective; one quality can be ideal or totally not ideal depending on the person doing the judging.] Every girl I ever saw him with could never get a straight answer from him about his feelings. It was like 'he likes me, but does he like me in the skooshy warm way that makes your knees buckle and heart pound quickly?' for the girls with him. His story ended happily though, he's now married to a very assertive girl and has two young daughters. You could say that he was waiting for the one-- but quite honestly it was more like he ended up with someone who playfully told him "I'm going to marry you, any questions?" Then there's the ambiguous confident 'playboy' type. He can make any comment into a 'I like you, go out with me' statement. For example the girl might say: 'Sure, I'll do whatever you want,' (in refrence to helping the guy out with a task such as editing a document for him.) and they follow it up with: 'Oh, in that case--I need a date tonight, you said you'd do anything.' ::coy smile:: Or the guy seriously says 'God, I'm hot-- is it hot in here?' and the girl might reply seriously 'yeah, I think so, I thought I was the only one.' In which case Mr. Playboy follows with 'Well I know you're hot, but I was talking about the heat.' ::wink:: Sure it seems like he's hitting on you, but is he really? Is he just being cute with his words and just being himself? It makes a person feel like they are playing with their own mind just trying to analyze it. That's why I think guys can be quiet ambiguous. Even more so than men think women are mysterious. ~I Don't Understand Guys~ Mona reflected @ 11:47 a.m. while listening to: everything but the girl: like the deserts miss the rain